follow the Leader

I think I'll be okay if I don't come back next year.

This year I have felt the most betrayed, the most hurt, and the most unpopular I have ever felt in my life. You wouldn't think that that would happen at a place like this. Well, at least I didn't. I HATE being the last to know EVERYTHING or NEVER KNOWING anything. It makes me feel really dumb when I don't know what going on and everyone else acts like its so obvious. It hurts me so much to feel that much like an idiot. For once I want someone to INFORM me! I think my entire life will be like this. I can't escape it. What I really want right now is to move back home with my parents and work somewhere dumb like mcdonalds. They seems to be the only people who consider my feelings and love me. I know that God does, I trust that. It's just really hard when everyone that surrounds you doesn't show you that. I haven't felt like I'm living in a Christian community ever since Christmas... and I hate it. I hate it so much. It hurts me to look around at this place and see that it's everywhere. It's within every single person here, myself included. Maybe everyone feels this way and I don't know. Maybe everyone is hurt by everyone. I hate being me. I want to be someone else, someone who knows things someone who has a ton of friends, someone who gets phone calls, someone who has people come visit, someone who gets along with everyone, someone who can sweet talk my way into whatever I want. I'm tired of being me, because obviously it's not working. Everyone says be yourself... well what do you do when no one likes the real you?