follow the Leader

What an encouragement... not.

Is it true? I know I'm not the most popular, most beautiful, most perfect, nicest, thoughtful, lovable person, but am I worthy of having no "friends"
You say I have friends, you might even say you'd call yourself a friend of mine... think of this, when is the last time you HONESTLY thought of me just because, or called me, or facebooked me or sent me a note. I know I'm not the best at this, but I try to keep in contact with people. I fall short sometimes, but I make an effort. It's not daily, it might not even been weekly, but I try, I really do try.
My facebook wall is reflecting how I feel about my friendships.
You, my one true friend at the moment- thank you, thank you for helping me to remember how much Christ loves me, thank you for being the only person to listen to me when I'm scared out of my mind that my mom might not make it to see me get married, thank you for just letting me vent, thank you for texting me just to say hi... thank you!!

I think that I say "my life could be a tv show" once a week, on average.
I would like to share with you today's made-for-tv moment.

8:00am: I was awakened by my mothers bloody murder scream. At that moment I had two choices: 1. Assume I'm dreaming and roll over, or 2. Find out if she's okay. Well, I didn't want to move so I shouted to her to find out if everything was alright. She hollered back for me to just stay in my room. I've heard that before... there was a bat in the house. Sweet.
Mom called upstairs to Pete and told him to come downstairs to get it. Well, he came down and couldn't find it at first so he went back upstairs, and mom started to blow dry her hair. I could hear the dishes on the buffet outside my room clanging around. Well, turns out the bat was hanging around in the china. Pete couldn't get to it, or so he said. Then, they both left for work/school. Sweet. I told them i wasn't leaving my room until the bat was gone. Well, gram called and wanted me to go furniture shopping with her. I told her the story then I told her not to come over. Within 5 minutes her and gramp pulled up in the driveway. Great. I was mad. I wasn't going to open my door and risk that bat flying into my room. Well gram opened the door anyway... and the first thing I saw was gramp... He was wearing elbow high gloves, had a fishing net in one hand and a tennis racket in the other. HA. They were fumbling around trying to find it (with no success). Gram started walking around the house with a broom banging on things yelling "Here batty batty batty"...all the while I was sitting on my bed with my face in my hands wondering if this really was my life... it's been qutie a day...

So, I have begun a new season in my life.
I'm finishing my last two classes at ILCC, I have a new full-time job, today I'm getting an apartment on my own, and I'm learning to be more independent. I'm moving on from camp. After 5 summers I realized that my time is done there. I would love to go back and help out or bring kids, but I was able to see that God doesn't need me to continue my ministry there, at least for now. It was a really really tough summer, and I praise God that I made it and was able to glorify Him during those months!!
As I head into this new seson I pray for His guidance and I pray for myself to remember to trust Him. He is not only traveling right beside me, but he is standing ahead of me with and outstretched arm. What an image! I'll have many struggles coming into this new adventure. I'm going to struggle financially, I'm going to struggle with time, I'm going to struggle with lonliness, I'm going to struggle with patience, and I'm going to struggle with my mom not being fully healed from cancer. Praise the Lord that He is and will be carrying me, and even when it doesn't seem like it He has provided me with a great support. It won't always be the same people who can support me, and it may not seem like they care, but deep down inside they do.
I'm ready for whatever is going to come my way with this job. I know these kids need Jesus so much, and they need me to show them who He is and how much He loves them!! I'm really excited and super nervous to see what the Holy Spirit does to move through me!
I've got a lot going on, but I know that I can do it.

I'm going to leave you with a passage that sticks out to me right now.
Ecclesiastes 3:

1 For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

9 What do people really get for all their hard work? 10 I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. 11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. 12 So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. 13 And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

14 And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him. 15 What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again.

I still hate you.

It's back. She's such a fighter.
Last night was the benefit.. oh my gosh, I cannot believe how much people can pray and love and give and just BE! I am humbled and blown away by the support my family has. The Lord is SO good, SO faithful, SO loving, and SUCH a great comforter! I know my mom is safe wrapped in His arms, and I know my dad has found strength in Him alone. I know my brother can sleep at night knowing that even though he may be home alone, he's NOT alone.
How dare I even think that any of this can be done by the doctor's hands alone.
As cliche as it may sound, I constantly find myself turning to Psalm 23. I love this... "He restores my soul..." YES! I'm feeling it!! I was broken, alone, abandon, frightened, confused, hurt, and so much more, but now I have found strength, I have found peace, hope, love , comfort, joy...only because of the restoration of my soul. God is so good!
My mom will fight. This cancer has nothing on her. I'm so excited for the day I can proclaim, very loudly, that my mom is CANCER FREE!
Until that day I will fight right beside her!!
She's my best friend. It's not time for me to lose my best friend.
Give Him the glory, honor and praise!!!

...too late, I am.

Well,
summer's almost over. Crazy.
I've been busy the past few weeks, I don't have the energy to write all about it, but know that I've been busy. haha. I applied for the YD job at BLC. I'm praying that it will all work out, and trusting that the Lord will put me exactly where I need to be this coming year. I'm not too worried about it, which is good because I don't need to be. I cannot do anything about it now.
God has been so good to me this summer, I just don't understand His love and grace, I just know how much I appreciate it. Hmm. God is good.
I suppose I need to start packing... baaaaah.