follow the Leader

Well. The year's almost over.
I've been successful again this year....ugg. Im really bitter right now. I'm listening to Delilah and her cheesy love songs right now. blah. Sometimes I don't understand that woman...or the people who call her. Are things like that... happy stories like those...are they real?
Another thing. I got in inquiry from Kansas. It seems awesome.
Lately I've been thinking of things..kind of like a "bucket list" but just things I want to do. I'll give you a glimpse of my list.

-I want to dance barefoot in a warm rain
-I want to go to a science museum and play with the exhibits like a little kid
-I want to go to the zoo
-I want to adopt a pet
-I want to fall in love
-I want to spend one holiday serving the less fortunate
-I want to introduce myself to people

These are just some things that I would like to do.

As for the year ahead... I don't want to make a "resolution" but I want to improve myself. I just want to be the best ME that I can be. So. I will do that. If that means I read through the OT, then that's what I'll do. Or, if that means letting things go and being more patient, then that's what I'll try to do. So, here goes.
Goodbye 2008...you've been great....hahah! :)

I might reflect on the past year in greater detail in my next blog. But, I just got my nails done and I can't type well, I have the hiccups, aaand, I really need to go to bed. haha
Goodnight all!

I'm sooo happy.
It's Christmas eve!! Thank you Jesus for being sooo amazing and loving us so much!!
I got my new camera today!! :) I'm having so much fun with it already! yay. I just need to find a dark room so that they can get developed... yikes. Maybe someone at ILCC can do it.
ALSO... planning a May road trip, YAY!! Life is good.
Now I need to go work a little and figure out what I'm going to wear tonight! I'm starting to wish I had brought more clothes back with me.. oops.
anyway... Merry Christmas!! Don't forget the reason for the season. He was born to save YOU! Does it get any better than that?!

I've been thinking a lot about the new year.

I'm not really the new years resolution setting type... but this year I've been considering a couple things.

I would love to read through the OT...and really take my time and try to understand things. I usually just try to read it and be done, but I think it would be awesome if I made an effort to comprehend it and study it. So we'll see.

Also, I've been trying to be healthier in the past few months, and I really want to continue that. I don't want things to go back the way they were I want to keep working on this and just make it a good habit.

Those are things I'm thinking about right now. We'll see what happens. :)

It's been rough being home...and it's only been a day.
Sometimes I wish I was the problem child. I feel super neglected and I don't know... just really worthless when I'm home. My brother doesn't treat me well... at all and it hurts me so much because I try so hard to "kill him with kindness". My parents have always put their constant focus on him and I've just kind of been ignored when he's acting up. I know that I don't need attention or anything, but sometimes I would like to just sit down and talk to my parents or just like to hang out with my family without my brother having an outburst and ruining everything. I'm hurting so much trying not to be selfish. I just keep praying things will get better. They have to... right?
Today it went too far. I'm worried. Please pray.

Christmas...

Celebrating the birth Jesus Christ seems to be the farthest from so many people's minds these days.
This is a big deal... JESUS CHRIST... SAVIOR OF THE WORLD... GREAT REDEEMER... I AM!!!
If Jesus had not been born more than 2000 years ago we would all be DEAD! Just think, we celebrate our own birthdays and what do we do... NOTHING. But there are STUPID show's on tv all about bratty 16 year olds celebrating their birthdays... and we have an entire time-frame holiday devoted to Jesus Christ... but no one takes the time anymore to celebrate Him! We celebrate ourselves with presents and goodies and stupid things. where has the giving gone? where has the love gone? Where is the true meaning of Christmas??! It's so frustrating, probably mostly because I do it too, and I HATE it. I really just want to praise Him through this time and not think of myself, or the gifts im giving or getting. I am working on it, but as that day approaches it get's harder and harder. I know that God is pushing me to remember Him this time of year. I will, I'm starting to concentrate on Him and the gift of LIFE.... not the gift of Wii that cannot save me from Hell... :)

wow.
God provides.

I cannot believe I've been contacted TWICE today about my resume that I posted last night. One of them seems like such an awesome possibility.
I'm praying hardcore for discernment right now.

Today during Bible study my thoughts were being provoked.
I wrote this, this morning.

When I think of all I’ve done in life, have I lived to worship You? Have I given you my all, have I let you guide my way? These questions burn inside my head as I wonder why, why I deserve the love You give and how I give You thanks. I come before You, bow before Your throne.
Thank you Lord, You’ve saved my life. Use me at Your will. Be my hands and my feet, help me to be like You!

1 Corinthians 15:58- Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Even thought my job can be stressful and tiring I know that I will be rewarded because I’m doing it all for the glory of the Lord. It’s hard sometimes to not have pride for the things I do, but He will bring justice to all things. This verse reminds me of verses in Luke and Matthew. Matthew 25:21- “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness.”
How I hope to hear Him say that to me someday. I want to keep striving to do what He wants, and put aside the things I want.

I'm going to blog here. I've decided. It's going to happen... maybe not everyday, but hopefully often enough.

Starting point:
So much has changed in my life.
If you would have asked me a year ago where I would be today I could have never ever imagined that this is where I would be. I would have told you I'd be at Northwestern, probably doing some kind of internship and preparing for finals.
God really doesn't like it when we make plans without consulting Him. I'm learning this... over and over and over again. Another thing I'm learning... Don't question Him. He knows what He's doing... and I don't know what I'm doing. I'm slowly figuring out how to live for Him day to day. Some days are easier than others. This year, so far, has had major ups and downs. It's amazing to see the way I am used by the Lord!! I'm sooooo blessed that I have been able to get close to the people that I'm getting close to this year. They are all so amazing and so full of His Spirit that it really keeps me going. I seriously love waking up in the morning and realizing how blessed I am and wanting to jump out of bed and go to work. I'm really getting excited to see where He is going to take me in the coming months. If I should stay here... what I'll be doing. If not...where I'll go. I put my resume' online today. We'll see what happens. I'm not really expecting anything to come from it, it was more about just waiting and seeing. I'd love to go somewhere exciting and do something "impossible" while I'm young and "unattached" :)
I'm so full of God's love right now, I can't think of anything except grace and mercy and love and amazingness. ahh so good!!