Thursday, January 03, 2013
For 22 years I attended the same ELCA Lutheran church.
Every Sunday we said the same liturgy, same prayers, and pretty much sang the same songs.
When I began working and camp and then attended a private liberal arts college I realized that worship was so much more than repeating the same ritual every week. My faith became more about Jesus and me, rather than just going to church and sitting in a pew. I learned there were worship songs that had rhythm, there were sermons with life, and there were discussions outside of the 4 church walls.
In my church growing up, I wouldn't say I was ever challenged to grow spiritually. The people I knew from church only talked about their faith AT church. I didn't see them out in the community acting on their faith. Everyone just kept to themselves, and stayed "content" with the same thing they had been doing for several years.
The ELCA church, as a whole, started to make some tough decisions. I sat back and listened to all sides of the issues. ISSUES. Not just one issue, but all of them. I realize that this is where I can make a stand. I can choose to stand up for my beliefs, stand up for making a change and stand up for my own faith, or sit back and keep doing things the way I had been for 22 years.
I chose to step away from the comfort of doing things like I always had and walk into the unknown with a group of people who were passionate about keeping their beliefs and making a change for the better. People who weren't afraid to share their faith with the community, people who weren't afraid to try new things, and people who would come together, rally around one another and become a second family.
This change was amazing. I had never felt CHURCH like this before. Every Sunday and even Wednesday I felt like I was coming home as we met in a small garden center out building, and then a drug treatment facility, and eventually an old farm supply store turned into a place of worship. All that ever mattered was giving God the glory for bringing us together in this trail.
I was never mad at my former church. I was never mad a the people, at the worship, or the building. I have often felt sad. I have been sad because so many people still there do not understand why I, and so many others have chosen to take a new path. We're still worshiping the same Lord and Savior. We're still serving the same community. As the next couple of years went by, I was loving my new environment, but I knew something was missing. I looked around and everyone had someone. Everyone, but me. There were the babies, the toddlers, the preschoolers, the school age kids, the young parents, the middle age parents, the grandparents, childless couples, and widows and widowers. There wasn't any other non married person in their 20s. It was me. I was leading the youth and working 3 other jobs. I only had enough time to lead one youth group a week, which had to include 7-12th grade students. I couldn't find much help. I was burnt out.
No matter what I said, no one was able to lend me a hand. I had so many ideas of how to make it work, but no one to help me put the ideas in place. I still loved every person in that congregation. I still felt at home, but I felt very alone.
I knew there was another church where there were so many people my age. There was upbeat worship, small groups full of people in their 20s, and a church that was on fire and passionate about their youth.
I had to weigh my options. I loved my "new" church home and family, but I also wanted to grow and be in a community with people my age. I wanted friends. It's hard being a Christian in a town of 10,000, especially when the church you attend doesn't have anyone your age.
I made my next "church hop". I felt welcomed with open arms the second I walked in the door. It helped that my boyfriend was very active in the church, and that I had known many of the members from a retreat. I immediately got involved with a young adult group. I joined a small group, and I am a youth sponsor. I am still worshping the same amazing God. I'm still loving my community. And, most of all, I still love and respect the people from both of my former congregations. It hasn't been easy. So many people still don't understand.
I know that the church is the body. We are one body, together. We may worship in different places with different styles, but we serve the same Lord.
1 Corinthians 12:12-31
12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by[c] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.
15 Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable,23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 28 And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30 Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues[d]? Do all interpret? 31 Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I'm currently loving this song.
Breathe by Ryan Star
she's fine, most of the time
she takes her days with a smile
she moves like dancing in light
spinning around to the sound
sometimes she falls down
breathe, just breathe
take the world off your shoulders
and put it on me
breathe, just breathe
let the life that you lead
be all that you need
she likes New York at night
she dreams of her own in her wake
shine on, pray like the sun
and even the skies turns grey
i need you to hear me say
breathe, just breathe
take the world off your shoulders
and put it on me
breathe, just breathe
let the life that you lead
be all that you need
let go of the fear
let go of the time
let go of the one
to try to put you down
you're gonna be fine
don't hold it inside
go ahead right now
and let it all come round
breathe, just breathe
take the world off your shoulders
and put it on me
breathe, just breathe
let the life that you lead
be all that you need
breathe, just breathe
take the world off your shoulders
and put it on me
breathe, just breathe
let the life that you lead
be all that you need
she takes her days with a smile
she moves like dancing in light
spinning around to the sound
sometimes she falls down
breathe, just breathe
take the world off your shoulders
and put it on me
breathe, just breathe
let the life that you lead
be all that you need
she likes New York at night
she dreams of her own in her wake
shine on, pray like the sun
and even the skies turns grey
i need you to hear me say
breathe, just breathe
take the world off your shoulders
and put it on me
breathe, just breathe
let the life that you lead
be all that you need
let go of the fear
let go of the time
let go of the one
to try to put you down
you're gonna be fine
don't hold it inside
go ahead right now
and let it all come round
breathe, just breathe
take the world off your shoulders
and put it on me
breathe, just breathe
let the life that you lead
be all that you need
breathe, just breathe
take the world off your shoulders
and put it on me
breathe, just breathe
let the life that you lead
be all that you need
Thursday, November 04, 2010
"He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more."
Tonight, I went into my kitchen to turn off the light and go to bed.
I have a prayer plant that sits on my windowsill and I check the soil ever 2 or 3 days (or when ever I actually think about it) to see if it needs more water or to be rotated or whatever. I'm always amazed that it's grown so much since I got it in the spring.
I felt the soil, it seemed pretty dry so I filled a cup of water and emptied the entire thing around the base of the plant. As I adjusted the leaves to evenly distribute the water I realized there were quite a few dead leaves and shoots all over the place. Usually I just pick off dead leaves as I see them, but since I started working so much I haven't really "had the time".
This all got me thinking about John 15:2.
"He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more."
Just like when I get rid of those dead leaves and shoots there's more room for healthy leaves to come in. That's how my plant has been able to grow so beautifully. There are a lot of branches I'm holding on to that are not producing any fruit. I don't know how I expect to grow when I carry these dead branches. I have an issue with letting God help me produce fruit. That's weird to say because who doesn't want to produce God given fruit??
A few verses later in John 15:5 it says "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
I had been neglecting my plant for too long... there were so many dead leaves in there, the soil was pretty dry and my plant just looked so sad.
It seems to coordinate well with my spiritual life at the moment too. I mean, I have been reading my Bible and going to church... but I've been so caught up in the logistics of it all that I haven't really "been in the word". I have been feeling so dead and so lost and pulled away.
Tonight my plant has helped me remember to just let go...and let God. So cliche, but seriously. I need to let him cut off my dead branches. I also need to remain in Him... 100%... no more slacking.
Monday, September 27, 2010
So much happened this weekend that I figured I should blog about it so I don't forget it all.
From the beginning.
Doug and I left Spencer at 3:40 Friday afternoon, we made it to Sioux City by 5:15. We picked up Emily and headed south. We stopped in Whiting, Iowa. Sketchy town. I really had to go to the bathroom, that's why we stopped. But, there was a laundromat that was in a tiny white painted brick building with a flickering open sign and a small convenience store/grocery store/gas station/pharmacy where we stopped. It was probably the size of my apartment. I think the entire town stopped in while we were there.
Anyway... We stopped just north of our turn to the interstate for supper. We were still about 4 hours from Bethany and we talked to Kelly, she was just getting into town. She had to wait in the motel room/drive around the small town for 4 hours waiting for us. Nothing too eventful happened until about 20 miles north of the Iowa/Missouri border.
Doug drives fast. I am definitely okay with that because I do too. Well, we were in a construction zone...one lane 55 mph on the interstate following a car going 45. We were getting on his tail and he kept putting on his 4 way flashers. We didn't know why. Well just after we went past a sign that said NO PASSING we decided to drive on the shoulder and pass this dude who was definitely crazy. As soon as we went to the right he started laying on his horn and flashing his brights. He didn't stop. We were gonig about 85 once we got past him and he started to speed up and get on our tail flashing his brights and honking... for TEN miles. I could not believe this dude. Just before that Doug's vehicle had been making some funny noises so we were a little afraid it would stall and the psych dude would kill us. It didn't happen though (HA). We finally made it away from him and across the border. It was about 30 more minutes to Bethany. We pulled in around 10:30.
Kelly had scoped out the town... I wish I could fully explain it to you...But, this will have to do. Here's a map...
There was, thankfully, a WalMart across from our Super 8. I needed to get a swimsuit b/c I didn't bring one and we had a pool. We walked over... No one wanted us there.... a dude kept following us with a broom trying to make us leave faster... it was just odd. The cheapest suit I could find was 3X men's trunks...awesome. ha! We went back to the room, watched some tv, talked for a while and went to bed.
Saturday morning... our room was FREEZING. I actually got up at 7 to take a very hot shower because I couldn't stand it anymore. Soon after, everyone else woke up and I decided it would be genius to turn the heat on... OR NOT. Apparently it hadn't been turned on it a while... our room smelled like fire. So gross. I checked the weather... it was definitely on the same as it was when I packed Thursday night. Forecast: HIGH of 63; 90% chance of thunderstorms ALL day. ...awesome.
We decided to go to Country Kitchen for breakfast, it was pretty good. Then we decided to go to walmart and get some rain gear so we could head out to the concerts. We all got umbrellas or ponchos and sweatpants and stuff and went back to go swimming for a while. We went swimming.... and the hot tub in the hotel only went to 80 degrees!!!!! the woman claimed it was because she just put water in it. Yeah right. It was so cold. We took turns standing next to the hot tub at the shower with the hot water going throwing the hot water in. We got all showered and dressed and ate some Wendy's and went out to the Lifelight grounds.
We got to the road that took us out there and there wasn't a car in sight. Another moment where we thought that if we were in a movie everyone watching would be telling us to just turn around. We should have listened.
We got there as some people were leaving. We had to park in a very muddy field about a mile away from where the bands were. It was thundering, lightening, and SO windy. When we got to the main stage there were 2 other people there... that made 6 once we sat down. Rachelle Hope started playing, she was pretty good... but it was pouring... the sound board tent snapped and blew away, so did the replacement... it was crazy. The best part was Alan Green (the founder of Lifelight) was standing like right by us the entire time we were there. They announced that they were going to put everything on hold until the storm passed. Well, we had seen the radar and we were soaking wet and freezing cold. We decided that we would just go back to the motel. We got back, dried off, warmed up and took a tour around town trying to find a church for Sunday morning. Also... the sun was shining.
We drove around the entire town probably 5 times... Found the church we wanted to go to and went back to the motel. We ordered some Breaddeaux pizza, watched Cell Block 6 (hahah) and went back to the Cold Hot Tub. We made it fun. Afterwards we played some cards, I taught Doug how to shuffle and watched TV and Youtube videos. It was a nice relaxing evening.
Sunday morning.... oh man.
Kelly left at 8 so we got up and said goodbye to her and then started getting ready for church. I wore a Twins shirt to church.. haha. We were there early enough to be sure we saw what people were wearing before we went in. The man who pulled in in front of us was wearing jeans and plaid. We figured we were alright. A DOG greeted us at the door... That should have been a RED FLAG... .but no.
We went in, slid in the back pew and looked around... we honestly couldn't believe where we were. No one was speaking to us, acknowledging us...anything. It was awful. Finally some old dude said hello, and the pastors wife too. Doug and I were getting bad looks because he has diamonds in his ears, and I have one in my nose. The old ladies in front of us didn't appreciate us. THEN a girl who was probably 15 came in with her parents. She obviously had a mental illness... but she stared at me... for at least 5 minutes. Doug was sitting next to me and laughing SO hard... it was very very awkward. She looked at him while his head was down because he was laughing so hard. Then... a guy in a chiefs polo and a thick southern accent and a very loud voice got up and started leading the hymns. Jamie, this reminded me of church in Sioux Center.... LOUD off key voice...he couldn't figure out the temo or anything.
To add to it, the pastor had laryngitis. He was a burly probably usually very loud man with a lot of Baptist gusto. Too bad his voice sounded like puberty.
As we were leaving he coughed into his hand, shook ours and told us goodbye.
awesome.
Okay. That's all I think I have to say. If I think of more I'll add more.
If you made it all the way through this you deserve MAJOR PROPS!!
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Today someone told me about a letter they got in the mail regarding the upcoming vote in our church. ...I feel completely broken, betrayed, let down, and...played.
I think I need a nice long cry session...
Florence is in her last hours, my church family is falling apart and I am wondering what will happen to my job...
:(
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Okay... so I'm not sure who might read this, or who might find it so I'm going to be really vague.
But... there's stuff going on in my life right now that's so confusing! I'm trying really hard to follow the path God has put in front of me, but it seems as though there are like 5 different paths and He's going to let me choose one. He knows how indecisive I am! A lot depends on the decision made in my church on Sunday. This coming Sunday we're having our vote to stay with or leave the ELCA. I have my own opinions and beliefs, I'm just afraid that the 2/3 needed to pass are on the opposing "side" for lack of a better term. Also... what if the church loses so many members that my job cannot be saved... no matter what happens, people are leaving, and the budget will NEED to change. I'm getting paid on the low end anyway... would that mean that I'd lose full time benefist? would the cut my salary? Will the cut me to part-time? Will the get rid of my job all together? Will I even want to stay? So many questions going through my mind...yet I won't know the answer to ANY of them for at least a few more weeks. Should I start looking for other jobs just in case? I'm so afraid of my future. I went through this place before... 2 years ago. I gave it all to God, told Him to take care of my worries, He did...and it got me here.... but then I was thrilled. Now, I want to give it to Him, I really do.... but for some reason I cannot let go. There's no reason for me to be bearing this on my shoulders, maybe it's because I feel so strongly... or because I love my job...or because I am tied to this building... or because this church (the real definition of church) is my family. Where do I go from here?
I found some pretty great lyrics. The song is "God Will Make This Trial A Blessing"
This is the chorus:
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Today's healthy living...
Breakfast... a bottle of water (oops)
Snack- a handful of baked Doritos. (oops again?...guess it could be worse)
Lunch- grilled chicken breast on seeded rye bread and 4 baby dill pickles.
Tonight I'll probably have long grain rice and mixed veggies for supper.
not bad I suppose.
I've been reading from my new devotional book "A Sisterchick's Devotional" It's good :)
;;
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
