follow the Leader

so it's been hard to update recently.
www.caringbridge.org/visit/lisabuchan
is where you can find all the reasons why.
I'm back at camp though.
Tired as ever.

I can't update now because my body is screaming at me for 1. being TOO sunburned, and 2. waking up TOO early.

Goodnight.

I found this quote today..
I really like it.
"You give me the kind of feeling people write novels about."

I'm not buying clothes until this is over.
This will be the VERY first piece of clothing I purchase when this is through...
http://shop.cafepress.com/design/14152471

CANCER CAN SUCK IT!!!
This is the worst day of my life.
God is bigger than this, I know it. I need to have hope and faith that we're going to make it. God can do AMAZING things. It's not time for this to be over. I'm going to need strength from GOD ALONE these next few weeks.
I'm praying for a miracle.. that's all I can do.
I'm more afraid than I've EVER EVER been in my entire life... I don't want to lose my best friend.
I hate you, cancer.

I have never been this alone. I've got me and Jesus

Please please please please pray that it's not cancer.
I can't do this.
I need her so much.
If they do surgery and a transfusion let her be strengthened from it.
This is effecting me in terrible ways. I just can't be happy... and I don't want her to know that.
I'm scared that I'm slipping.
Don't leave me, mom.

I'm so scared.
so so scared.
If anything happens to her I will go crazy.
I can't handle this. At all. There's nothing anyone can say or do... it's all in God's hands. I just can't stop praying. I will never stop praying.

Surround me, O Lord. I'm so afraid.
I'm losing my friends and I'm afraid of losing my family too.
Heal my mom. I don't care if I don't have friends, God, but don't let anything happen to my mom. I'm so worried about her. Get rid of whatever is making her sick. I hate it.

Our first campers come today!! I'm soooo excited and soooo not ready. It's strange, because I can tell that I have a passion for one of my two roles so much more than the other. I'm trying harder to enjoy being a videographer, but my heart isn't there anymore. My heart is with my JCs. I cannot wait to see them continue growing and changing. I have seen a change in all 10 of those that were here this past week! It's been such a blessing to get to work with them and to be able to encourage them along their way! As for being videographer, I haven't gotten my shipment of tapes in yet, and I have approval of the 2nd song, but I need to find another- get approval and then buy them. yikes I'm going to be busy this week. I'll also being having one-on-ones with all of my on-site and support JCs and possibly a few senior counselors. I'm praying for a little time to be able to work on things for youth group as well. Our trip is right around the corner. I can't believe how soon it is. I really need to make sure our rooms get reserved and paid for and things like that. So, be praying for that entire situation. It's hard to be doing three jobs right now. I'm technically not even working for the church anymore and will not be able to be there until September if I decide that is where God wants me again. I've been thinking a lot about August, not worrying though, and trying to figure out what I want to do. there are so many possibilities and opportunities.

wow. Staff training is almost over. Campers come on Sunday.
Holy cow. The JCs are simply wonderful. I love them. I'm still having trouble feeling included. Like I just feel like people don't really want to be around me so sometimes I remove myself because when I'm around no one talks to me. I know I should just stick with it but I don't like to feel awkward and just standing there not included in conversation. No one means for it to happen... it just does. I should be enjoying all this alone time but it's so hard to see people bonding and not feel included in much of that. And it's really hard to like see people that I have been friends with not want to maintain friendships. Like, it's weird because it's almost like well I know we're friends so I'm not going to talk to you much. I'm a firm believer in maintaining friendships as well as making new ones. I know that people don't see things the same way, and that's alright. I'm learning to deal with it. Some of my friends are doing a good job with still wanting to hang out and stuff and I certainly have made new friends who are amazing. On an entirely different note.. I got these 7 spider bites at Riverside on the 26th of May and for the most part they are looking a little better. They still itch pretty bad, but there is one on my right arm that is bruising. Weird. I think my cousin who is a doctor is home this weekend so I might ask her to take a look and see what she thinks. Riverside was amazing though. I love that place so much, and I would love to work there sometime. The people, the place, the atmosphere.. it's all soooo different. I have met some pretty amazing people there who I would love to keep in contact with. I just feel so accepted and welcomed there and I love that feeling a lot. It's fabulous to feel like people want you around and want to get to know you and want to keep in touch with you. Amanda just got here. I love her. Seriously, I'm glad I can be myself with her and Beth. I really really appreciate them and their laughter and kind words. I know that I'm blessed to live with them this summer.
Bah. I should get going we have Share Groups in a few minutes. Much love coming from Okoboji. Come visit, send me mail... whatever.