follow the Leader

The reason why I don't get close to people or want a boyfriend or whatever is because everyone I get close to hurts me. Like... there are some things in my past that I'm sure make it this way. Things I'll never tell anyone. That's stupid. Maybe someday I'll tell people... but not now. Other things though... breaking up hurts. My brother is constantly tearing me apart and causing me to not want to be around my family. My parents don't understand how much he hurts me so I dont want to be around them either. My friends are only friends with me when other people aren't around. It's been nearly 4 months since someone called me just because. That doesn't mean I want people to start calling me though. It just means I'm the person who's not on your mind until no one is on your mind. blah. I've found myself becoming distant from everyone because if I get close to anyone they're just going to hurt me anyway. It's happening right now with someone I thought I was good friends with here. I was ditched 3 times in the past 2 weeks by one person. It hurts. I'm not putting any effort in anymore with people who aren't willing to put effort in with me anymore. I can only think of TWO people who have made an effort to keep my friendship. Maybe those are the only two I need? Sorry if you read all this. sometimes I just need to clear my mind and this is the only way I know how.